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My pool turned pond.<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
I like keeping friends around who tinker and invent, who aren\u2019t scared of crafting something from scratch. This past weekend, I had a ranch emergency. It\u2019s monsoon season in Santa Fe, which means the weather changes by the hour\u2014or maybe by the minute. It was one of the hottest weeks we\u2019ve had since moving here (90 degrees, which I know sounds mild to anyone outside Santa Fe because you all think it\u2019s so<\/em> hot here. It\u2019s not). And I\u2019ve got a couple hundred fish in a pond I built out of my old pool. That kind of heat plus pond water? Instant algae bloom. Suddenly, 200 little souls were racing the clock as oxygen levels dropped.<\/p>\n I needed shade. And I needed it fast.<\/p>\n I ran to Harbor Freight (they still support DEI, so they\u2019re always my first stop) and picked up tarps, steel wire, grommets, bungees, rope\u2026<\/p>\n Pause\u2026 It\u2019s pure Bren\u00e9 Brown\u2014perfectionism kills creativity. Progress, not polish. Drafts are proof you\u2019re in motion.<\/p>\n Does it cost money to learn? Yes. Does it cost even more to hire it out? I think so. I\u2019m competent. And if I slow down and strategize first, my creations are usually better and cheaper than someone else\u2019s. And I always love them more.<\/p>\n The first canvas tarps tore in the wind. I had to reinforce the grommets with duct tape, fabric glue, and patches. Learned that after a structural failure.<\/p>\n Did I panic? Nope. I smoked a little dope, regrouped, and got to work.<\/p>\n I have never tied a fancy knot like a sailor. I just made this up. Looks legit though, huh?<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n I\u2019ll admit\u2014there were moments I imagined those steel tension wires snapping loose and thwapping me in the face. So, I put on sunglasses. Then I pictured the whole pergola giving way and braining me. So, I ran a safety line and told myself, if I die building something beautiful, that\u2019s a pretty good way to go.<\/em><\/p>\n But I didn\u2019t die. And neither did the fish.<\/p>\n These days, I sit with my feet in the pond most afternoons, letting my nervous system settle while a few regular fish keep me company. Out of the 200, just a handful hang close. One of them has a tiny, crooked fin\u2014my own little Nemo. Every time I see him weaving through the plants, I feel like his savior. He was probably bound for turtle food. Now he\u2019s here\u2026 in this funky, oxygenated, reclaimed sanctuary.<\/p>\n Not too different from me. Okay, did that get weird? See, this is why you don\u2019t wait until the end<\/em> to share your drafts (Note: foreshadowing). Ha!<\/p>\n And pivoting\u2026<\/p>\n I have a tattoo on my inner forearm that says Forever Incomplete.<\/em> It\u2019s a lyric from the Alanis Morissette song \u201cIncomplete,\u201d and it\u2019s part of my creed. Alanis sings about how she\u2019s spent her life running toward some imagined finish line\u2014and how, in doing that, she\u2019s missed the rapture of being unfinished. Of being ever unfolding, ever adventurous, but never done.<\/p>\n I can\u2019t afford to wait for \u201cone day.\u201d I can\u2019t wait until I can \u201cafford it,\u201d or until \u201cI have time,\u201d or until I \u201cget better.\u201d I\u2019ve arrived because I\u2019m here. I showed up in the arena, ready to try. I\u2019m not waiting for someone else to greenlight my ideas or teach me how to do them better.<\/p>\n If they wanna jump in and help\u2014great. If not? I\u2019m just over here building sh!t.<\/p>\n I said those exact words to my new friend DezBaa when I sent her an early cut of the music video I\u2019m making for my next single, \u201cNot Like You.\u201d The song\u2019s about queerness, yes\u2014but also about not<\/em> becoming like the people who belittle you. It says: I have my own damn voice, and it\u2019s my choice to walk away.<\/em><\/p>\n The video opens on extreme close-ups of eyes\u2014something we all have. And when the chorus hits, it pans out to reveal joyful, beautiful queer people. Just existing. Just being. It\u2019s intense. Quiet. Defiant. Real.<\/p>\n Still from music video, called “Not Like You.”<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n When I sent the rough draft to DezBaa, I said, \u201cI have no idea what I\u2019m doing. I\u2019m just over here making sh!t.\u201d She replied, \u201cMe too!\u201d and sent me a stunning micro short she created through a Native filmmaker initiative\u2014an inaugural summer workshop co-hosted by NYU Tisch and Santa Fe Community College. The program brought together Indigenous artists to explore storytelling through film, and DezBaa\u2019s piece was the result of that journey. She’s planning on showing it at this year\u2019s Santa Fe International Film Festival.<\/p>\n More than just an assignment, her work reflects a process of deep personal alignment\u2014one that mirrors everything we\u2019d been talking about: building from the inside out, creating before you’re \u201cready,\u201d and letting like-minded folks find one another by putting real things into the world. We weren\u2019t formally collaborating\u2014we were just witnessing each other. The next morning, we had breakfast and scribbled ideas on napkins. Art to check out. Lyrics to look for. Sentences to pocket for later.<\/p>\n That\u2019s what community is. That\u2019s how art gets built. You show the drafts. You create a culture of improvement, not perfection. You hold space. You inspire each other to go home and keep creating.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve always shared drafts. I grew up in a family where that was safe\u2014where sharing early wasn\u2019t punished. \u201cToo soon\u201d isn\u2019t really a thing for me. I don\u2019t show everyone, but there are people I\u2019m always a little anxious to share with\u2014because they\u2019re the kind who\u2019ll see something in it that I don\u2019t. And I want to catch that while it\u2019s still wet enough to shape.<\/p>\n That\u2019s one of the big myths of creativity\u2014that you need to be fearless. You don\u2019t. You just need to be willing to be seen. (Bren\u00e9 Brown calls that wholehearted living.<\/em> Funny, that\u2019s just living to me. But I guess folks need to work on it? Maybe I\u2019m working on it too, but I\u2019m having so much fun I don\u2019t notice.)<\/p>\n If you wait too long, you start defending the draft instead of developing it. But when you share early, it stays flexible. Someone might offer a shift you never saw coming\u2014and instead of resenting it, you get to say: Yes. Let\u2019s build it that way instead.<\/em><\/p>\n Sometimes drafts get weird. That’s cool. Just keep building sh!t.<\/p>\n Homework:
\n<\/strong>I\u2019ve actually made half a dozen trips. I\u2019ll probably make another one today. Because when you\u2019re inventing, designing, and building things you\u2019ve never built before\u2014your creations are drafts. And we are always allowed a sh!tty first draft!<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/sandiegotroubadour.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/07\/FV1.jpeg\")
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\n<\/strong>\u2022 Listen to \u201cIncomplete\u201d by Alanis Morissette.
\n\u2022 Then listen to \u201cLife Uncommon\u201d by Jewel.
\n\u2022 Then listen to \u201cI Choose\u201d by India.Arie.
\n\u2022 Then read The Gifts of Imperfection<\/em> by Bren\u00e9 Brown, or at least the part where she reminds us perfectionism isn\u2019t a virtue.<\/p>\n